Your Antidote to the New Weezer Album

With last Tuesday's release of their sixth album of chart-topping geek rock, Weezer continued a geometrically observable trend of terrible albums. With that said, I'll admit that it certainly takes a true Weezer fan to sneak up to the register, red digipak tucked under the bicep with the W tattoo, and purchase the group's latest assault on our souring memories of their mid-90s glory days.

But it takes a truer one not to.

So for all those fans like me - those of us who waited in line for Make Believe and made believe that it was actually listenable for the first couple of days - here's a little something we probably deserve by now: in mp3 format, the great Pinkerton follow-up that never was, a formidable smattering of top-shelf B-sides from the aforementioned glory days and more. All but two have seen an official release, and most have been cherished for years by hardcore fans, obsessive completists (here), and owners of the Mallrats soundtrack.

We do this approximately never anymore, so download and enjoy:

01. "Lullabye For Wayne" (Weezer: Deluxe Edition, recorded 1993)
One of the oldest and probably the most fully-formed Weezer rarity available. Recorded shortly after the band first signed with the evil Geffen monster, this one's apparently about guns and a guy named Wayne. The breakdown is reminiscent of Blue Album highlight "Holiday," though that may be why it was cut.

02. "Jamie" ("Buddy Holly" single, 1994)
Maybe the most well-known of the Blue Album rejects, probably due in no small part to the Dashboard cover that's been floating around for a few years. Certainly not the best of that crop, but just as certainly better than anything they've farted out since 2005.

03. "Susanne" ("Undone" single, 1994)
This one's actually a different cut - and a better one - than the "Susanne" that appeared on the "Undone" single and the Mallrats soundtrack. It also may be the best Weezer song not to make an album. BONUS PERSONAL ANECDOTE: One time I was grocery shopping with my girlfriend's roommate and we were in my car and I played this song and totally forgot her name was Suzy and then realized that she probably thought I was hitting on her by playing a pseudo-love song with her name in it. So embarrassing. LOL!

04. "Blast Off!" (Alone - The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo, recorded 1995)
Ostensibly about the ambivalence of a career in the music industry, this song was almost certainly an early draft of 2005's herald of suck, "Beverly Hills" - note the start-stop guitar, the vocoder solo, and promptly cease noting any further similarities. Good tune nonetheless.

05. "You Gave Your Love to Me Softly" ("El Scorcho" single, 1996)
Album material for sure. This one's a two-minute barnburner and an excellent study in what went wrong. It's great because it's a sensitive love song - again, this would have only enhanced an already seamless Pinkerton - as opposed to, say, Make Believe's "Hold Me" (Google the lyrics; I'm not going to print them here). The details are precious and intimate, as opposed to ham-fisted and trite, and the pop references are actually cool (Bijan - yes), instead of kitsch-cool (Rogaine - no) that's actually nowhere near anything that could be considered remotely close to approaching even the general, outlying vicinity of cool.

06. "I Just Threw Out the Love of My Dreams" ("The Good Life" single/OZ EP, 1996)
The only released Weezer tune to feature lead vocals by a woman (...can't...think of...a joke...about...Brian Bell being effeminate). The broad is Rachel Haden of Geffen labelmates that dog. (now bassing for The Rentals, and yes, there is a period in the band's name and it is all lowercase). A white-hot synth line (that solo - it's really really awesome) pushes an already catchy tune to album-worthy material. BONUS FACT: "IJTOTLOMD" and "Blast Off!" were originally intended for the aborted Blue Album follow-up Songs from the Black Hole. Look it up, laugh, and remember that Rivers was on pain killers from the leg surgery that partially inspired Pinkerton.

07. "American Girls" (kind of unreleased, 1998)
Originally appearing on the Meet the Deedles (I have no idea) soundtrack, this one was actually recorded by the aborted side-project Homie (post-Pinkerton, pre-soulless Green Album robo-strumming), which may or may not have been intended to replace the suddenly unmarketable Weezer. Basically, a terribly catchy little ditty about abusive girlfriends, twice as soulful as Rivers' mustache wishes it was. And yes, that is Matt Sharp you hear screaming intermittently (man, I miss that scream/talent).

08. "Teenage Victory Song" ("Hash Pipe" UK single, 2001)
Yes, it's a Green Album B-side, but don't let that scare you. That instantly recognizable Green Album sound (which admittedly has its place) is written all over it, so it's clearly the lyrics that make this one. The title is funny enough, but this song is actually a workable soundtrack to teenage shenanigans/angst. Best interpreted as Rivers' last gasp of humanity before plummeting into the abyss of whatever made him do things like fining his bandmates for being out of tune. Wince and enjoy it.

09. "Mad Kow" (unreleased, played as early as 2000)
Somehow the earliest demos for what would become Make Believe were made available on various fansites. Needless to say, the two sessions, which were booked immediately following the fanfare of 2002's mediocre-to-good Maladroit, are fascinating to wade through. The toil yields about five cuts worth saving, and "Mad Kow" is one of them. As any diligent fan knows, the "Album Five" sessions were a time of repeated upheaval and false-starts (I mean, look at what they eventually had to show for it). Unfortunately, gems like "Mad Kow" and "Prodigy Lover" (below) - genuinely thoughtful, touching songs - never stood a chance.

10. "Prodigy Lover" (unreleased, 2002)
If I had access to a time machine and was willing to kill Rivers Cuomo with a shovel, I would set the dial to 2002, put the guy out of his chart-topping misery, and issue a split single of "Mad Kow" and "Prodigy Lover," thus cementing Weezer's now-spoiled reputation as a respectable if not totally consistent band. Not only would "Prodigy Lover" have made a perfect swan song for a beloved band in its twilight years, it's also a good song, which is clearly too much to ask for when your lead single is touted for its guitar sounds that vaguely resemble the signature sounds of an album you released twelve years ago and have since failed to eclipse. If you have the Motion Capture Device DVD (it's worth renting, even for the casual fan), be sure to watch the studio recording of this song. The tension (and three-day beard) on Rivers' face after Brian botches the intro is a priceless insight into a tumultuous period of a confounding career.

[Zach Noland]